Show Notes
In this episode, Derek Vreeland dives into the complex nature of grief, revealing that while it’s often linked to sadness, it can also carry moments of joy. He explores how our culture tends to deny the reality of death and its inevitability. From a Christian perspective, Derek challenges the popular focus on heaven, instead emphasizing the Christian hope found in resurrection. He argues that the true promise lies in new creation, where God will restore everything, wiping away death and suffering once and for all.
Scriptures mentioned in this episode:
Psalm 90:10-12
2 Corinthians 5:6-8
John 14:2-7
Matthew 5:11-12
Luke 23:39-43
John 11:21-27
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
2 Corinthians 5:1-4
1 Corinthians 15:50-55
Revelation 21:1-5
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Transcript
Narrator: Welcome to Peaceable and Kind, the podcast where we explore the transformation. Each week your host, Derek Vreeland, will delve into the stories, scriptures, and practical steps that help us embody these essential Christian virtues.
Derek Vreeland: Welcome back to another episode of Peaceable in Kind. I am your host, Derek Vreeland. I hope you’re having a good day today. I’m so glad that you have taken time out of your day to listen to this episode. And if you like what we’re doing here at Peaceable in Kind, would you do me a favor and leave a rating or a review? That helps. And if you haven’t, go ahead and subscribe to Peaceable and Kind right here wherever you’re listening to this podcast. And if you find value in the kind of Christian content we’re producing here, I’d love to have you share this episode or a previous episode with a friend. So today we’re going to talk about grief. I know this is not everyone’s favorite topic, but I attended a funeral recently, my wife’s uncle. Uncle Gary passed away and we attended his funeral service and we had a meal with the family after. And his funeral service was one marked by joy because Uncle Gary was a jokester. He always had a joke to tell. And people knew that he was a respiratory tech in his career and in the hospital. He was always cracking jokes at his church. He was always cracking jokes. And anytime I saw him at a family gathering or even at the grocery store, he’d grab my arm, pull me close, and tell a joke. So his funeral and the time we spent with the family around the funeral was one marked by joy. But grief hits us all a bit differently. And we often don’t associate joy with the process of grief I think if we’re honest, we would all prefer just to avoid the topic altogether. But the reality is that grief comes to all of us. And by all of us, I mean every one of us. If you run the risk of loving somebody authentically, affectionately, if you run that risk to really love them, You will at some point have to say goodbye. The sobering reality is that death comes to all of us But the current cultural vibe that we’re living in is one marked by death denying. American culture is in a death Denying rut. We are the forever young generation Forever Young, that was a song by Bob Dylan on his album Planet Waves that came out in nineteen seventy-four, the year I was born. And American culture continues to persist that we are forever young, that death will never come to our doorstep. The reality is that’s not true at all. The reality is we’ll all face death, our own mortality, our own death, but we will also face the tearful goodbye And that process of grief when those that we love die. And so I want you to be prepared. On this podcast episode, I want to talk about where as followers of Jesus we root our hope. Because Christians are not immune to the pain of grief, but we do not sorrow like those who have no hope. And so I want to talk about our particular hope because there is something that we have that will help us ride the emotional waves of grief. As a pastor, I have spent time with many, many families who are in the process of grief, and often I tell them that you have to feel your feelings when they come. And you know about the five stages of grief. That’s ubiquitous in our culture. I think most people are aware there are these stages. Those stages are not steps, those stages are like waves. And so as you process your own grief, and everyone is faced with this, but as you process grief, there are moments of sadness and tears will come to your eyes, and then there’s these moments of joy when you remember something meaningful or perhaps funny about the person who died. And so I encourage people just ride those waves, feel those feelings. when they come. But there is a specific hope in the face of grief that I think really helps us And in the process of grief, ultimately we want to get to a place of acceptance. That’s where we’re headed. In thinking through our grief, we want to come to a place where we accept what is true about all of us. Every one we know will eventually take their last breath, their heart will stop, and they will die. That’s sobering, isn’t it? It’s sobering to take just a moment to reflect on what is very true: that we are not immortal, but we’re mortal There is coming an end to this life as we know it. And I get it. I’d rather avoid this entire topic. I’d rather not talk about Death, dying, and grief. And I’m serious. If you don’t know me personally, let me give you a little insight into my, shall I call it, quirky personality. I am joking about half the time. Now, the other half the time I’m serious and I love doing the serious stuff. I like talking about Bible nerd stuff and theology and philosophy and history and all that. I love going taking the deep dive into that intellectual stuff. And so I am serious half the time. But the other half of the time, I’m rehashing Jerry Seinfeld jokes trying to make people laugh. I’d rather make jokes about death than facing it. And I don’t say that boastfully at all. I admit that as a malady. I admit that as a as a problem. I am far too influenced by our death-denying culture. I recognize that about myself, and so in the morning, before I start prayer I take three deep breaths and I exhale. And after each breath and exhaling, I make a confession And the very first confession I make before I start prayer is: I am a finite creature. I am not going to live forever. Let me number my days Again, that sounds foreboding. I know that may not feel like the most encouraging thing to do before you pray. I do that because I recognize the pressure of the death-denying vibes in our culture and how it’s shaped me. and I want to live with what the Scripture calls a sober mindedness. So my confession, I am a finite creature, I’m not going to live forever, let me number my days. That’s rooted in Psalm ninety. And let me say that there’s going to be a lot of scripture on today’s episode. Not every episode I do has a lot of Bible verses and scripture in it. But I have told you I am a Bible nerd. And in today’s episode in particular, there’s going to be a lot of scripture, but don’t feel like you have to write down every verse. We provide all the scripture references in the show notes. So if you go to the show notes, wherever you’re listening to this podcast, you can get all the Bible verses I’m going to be quoting today. But this first confession that I make in the morning is rooted in Psalm 90, verses 10 through 12. The psalm writer writes, The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength, eighty. Yet their span is but toil and trouble they are soon gone, and we fly away. Who considers the power of your anger and your wrath according to the fear of you? So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. So again, it may not be the most encouraging thing to do in prayer. I’m not saying you need to make this confession, but I know that I need to. that there is wisdom in recognizing my limitations and my mortality. There is wisdom in numbering our days So in the morning, I make this confession because I want to remind myself that I too will go into death And in doing that, I’m reminded that my friends, my family, those around me that I love, they will also one day die. and when they do, grief will come knocking on my door. So where is our hope As Christians, as committed followers of Jesus, where is our hope? What gives us hope? To ride the waves of emotion during the process of grief. I want to start by identifying a popular answer to that question. and then offer what I think is a better answer, a more biblical answer. But let me start with a more popular answer. So where is our hope in the face of death? The popular answer is the hope of heaven. And you will hear this at visitations and funeral services, memorial services. You’ll hear things like Grandma has died, but I know she’s in a better place. Or Uncle Bob believed in Jesus, and so I know he went to heaven when he died. Or Aunt Teresa loved to play piano, and I know she is gathered with the angels playing piano in heaven right now. Now, the hope of heaven is indeed a Christian response, and I never want to take that away from anyone. Because there is something very true about it. When I look to the scripture, where I see this clearly is 2 Corinthians chapter 5. And I’ll read just a couple of verses to capture the point. 2 Corinthians 5, verses 6 through 8, the Apostle Paul writes, So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body, we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So, yes, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and the Lord is in heaven. So this is a very true and Christian response. When I say it’s the popular response, I don’t want to say that it’s untrue. It is true, but I don’t think it’s where our true source of hope is. There is the hope of heaven. There is this hope in which we can take good courage to be away from our bodies and present with the Lord after death. But let me ask you this question. Where did Jesus talk about going to heaven when you die? Now, would you be surprised that Jesus said very little? Almost nothing about going to heaven upon death. Now think back to the scriptures Where in the Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, where does Jesus talk about going to heaven when you die? Because as you think about it in this very moment, you’re probably stretching to remember a verse where Jesus said something like, believe in me, and I’ll take you to heaven when you die. Now you might be thinking, hold on a second, hold on, wait. I thought the whole point of this whole Christian experience, the whole point behind Jesus dying for our sins was to take us to heaven when we die. What do you mean Jesus never really talked about it? Now I know that it is popular and it’s been etched in American culture But the truth of the matter is Jesus never specifically said, if you believe in me, I’ll take you to heaven when you die. So where does this idea come from? I think it comes from a number of sources, and I think primarily it comes from Greek philosophy. in terms of how Hellenistic thought has affected American culture and how it has affected the church. But this idea of going to heaven upon death being the great end of the Christian experience Really comes more from Plato, the Greek philosopher, than it does the biblical writers. Plato and his philosophy believe that our earthly experience was a reflection of true reality, but it wasn’t true reality. That what is truly real is something ethereal, something out there in this world of the pure forms. And so this What philosophers will call platonic dualism divides earthly reality from heaven reality, if I’m going to use Christian vocabulary And so that has been etched into really Western thought, I mean Western Europe, North America, America in particular, this dualistic idea of This physical reality and then the ethereal world of the pure forms to use Plato’s language or heaven and earth to use biblical language. And again, there is an element of truth to it. There is currently a division between earth, humanity’s space, and heaven, God’s space. But that division is artificial and it was never God’s design in the beginning. Nonetheless, this has affected us, and so people think it’s still a popular opinion. That Jesus died for our sins to take us to heaven when we die, that’s the goal. And there are some Bible passages that reinforce this. Let me just walk through a couple of them. One is John fourteen, verses two through seven. Jesus says, In my father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have not told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also, and you know the way to where I am going Thomas said to him, Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way? Jesus said to him, I am the way, and the truth, and the life No one comes to the Father except through me. So people hear those words from Jesus, and they piece it together like this. God our Father is in heaven. Jesus is the way to the Father in heaven. And he’s talked about creating rooms. So there must be these Brooms, these mansions in heaven, and that is where Jesus is going to take us upon death And that’s not too far off, but in its historical context, Jesus is using the first century Jewish practice. of building on to your father’s house after marriage. So the idea is you would get married and then you would bring your bride into your family, into your father’s home. And you would build on a little room. And so they would continue to add on as sons and daughters would grow up in the family. They would get married. They would add on these rooms. So Jesus is using that cultural understanding that God has a big house and there is going to be room for you. Notice, however, in what Jesus said, he never used the specific word heaven. I think what he’s talking about here is our relationship. with God the Father. He he’s speaking in relational terms, not geographical terms Now, Jesus is referring to heaven because where is God right now? Well, God is in heaven, but he doesn’t use the word heaven, and it really isn’t the point. What about the Sermon on the Mount? Jesus in Matthew chapter 5, verses 11 and 12. Jesus says, Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you. and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. So some hear Jesus there saying, see, he uses the word heaven. Great is your reward in heaven. And it’s true, Jesus mentions heaven here, but he doesn’t talk about going to heaven upon death. He talks about rewards that are stored away in heaven So our reward waits on us in heaven, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we receive it in heaven So for example, my wife could say to me, sorry you missed supper, but there is leftover chicken for you in the refrigerator Now, just because the chicken is waiting for me in the fridge doesn’t mean I have to enter into the refrigerator in order to eat that chicken. That’s where the chicken is waiting. I’m gonna get the chicken out of the refrigerator. I’m gonna warm it up in the air fryer, and then I’m going to eat it. Just because our rewards wait in heaven doesn’t mean heaven is where we experience those rewards Okay, one more place in Scripture where people look to try to understand this hope of heaven and what Jesus is talking about. And it’s the thief on the cross. So this is Luke’s gospel, Luke 23, verses 39 through 43. One of the criminals who were hanged railed against him, saying, Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us. But the other rebuked him, saying, Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation, and we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds, but this man has done nothing wrong. And he said, Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom. And he said to him, Truly I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise. So Jesus is crucified as a criminal along with two other criminals. So there are these two criminals to Jesus’ left and his right. And one is railing against Jesus, but the other one is a little bit more humble, a little bit more understanding. And so the second criminal or the second thief is asking Jesus, Will you remember me when you come in your kingdom? And Jesus offers these beautiful words of hope. Today you will be with me in paradise. Now, that word paradise is translated into English from the Greek word paradesas which means a garden. It means a a place to go for respite. A peri ditsas is a place you go to have a picnic, not a place you go to build a house and live. So Jesus here is again not using the term heaven, but using more of a metaphor of a garden or a picnic spot like travelling to a park to have a nice lunch and a little break before going home. The metaphor Jesus here is using is to speak of a temporary place, not a permanent place. So going to heaven upon death is good, but it’s not our final destination, and neither is it our ultimate hope. Inti Wright famously has said, heaven is important, but it’s not the end of the world. So what is our hope? Our hope as followers of Jesus in the face of grief, our hope is in the resurrection. So as I attend funerals, either ones where I’m officiating and actually preaching the funeral or just attending I pay attention to how Christians talk about death and dying and where their hope is. And I hear a lot of talk about heaven. I almost never hear much at all about resurrection. So for me, when I’m preaching a funeral, I almost always preach from John chapter 11. This is the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Let me tell you the story So Jesus had friends, and Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, two sisters and a brother, lived in the small little village of Bethany. And they were friends with Jesus. Jesus would often retreat to their house to get away from busy times of ministry. And he would spend time with his friends. Now these are friends who also believed in Jesus But they were more than just disciples. They had an affectionate kind of friendship for one another And Jesus gets word that his friend Lazarus has died. And Jesus doesn’t immediately go to Bethany, it actually takes him four days. He pauses, he hesitates a little bit. And when he finally gets to Bethany, four days after his friend Lazarus dies, Martha meets him out on the street. Mary stays back at the house, but Martha, in knowing that Jesus is approaching, rushes out to the street. And they have an impassioned and important conversation. So let’s pick up the story in John 11, verses 21 through 27. So there on the street outside of Mary and Martha’s house, the story picks up. Martha said to Jesus, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you. Jesus said to her, Your brother will rise again Martha said to him, I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day. Jesus said to her, I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live and every one who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this? She said to him, Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming in the world I love this interaction between Jesus and Martha because here we see Jesus giving hope to his friend Martha. Who is in a process of grief and and she’s angry. You can sense that in what she says to him. Because she’s like, Jesus, had you been here, you’re a miracle worker. You could have healed him if you were here, he wouldn’t have died. And Jesus quickly goes not to the hope of heaven, but to the hope of resurrection, because he says, Your brother will rise again. And Martha says, What many, but not all. First century Jewish people believed in, and that is a bodily resurrection at the end of this age. She says, oh yeah, I know he will be raised again on the last day, the end of this age. Not all first century Jewish people believed in resurrection. Most of them did. Jesus’ clan would have believed in that. His disciples believed in that. And Martha believed in that. And then Jesus says to her, this powerful and hopeful statement. I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though they die, they will live Jesus is proclaiming himself as God to be the embodiment of resurrection and life And so when Jesus asks Martha, do you believe? She says, Yes, Lord, I believe. How powerful is that? And so our hope In the face of mounting grief is that when people die in faith, when they believe in Jesus, they will rise again on the last day. And this hope is embedded in the Christian faith. We find it in two of our oldest creeds, both in the Apostles’ Creed and the Nicene Creed. In the words of the apostles’ creed, we confess, I believe in the resurrection of the body. And in the Nicene Creed, We look for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come. Amen. One of the things I love about the creeds is they help us get the end of our story right. The end of our story is not that our bodies are destroyed and our spirits go up to heaven. The end of our story is God making all things new, including our human physical bodies. So the end of our story is the resurrection of the body, as we say in the Apostles’ Creed, the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come. This is the end, not heaven, as good as heaven is. Heaven’s not the end of our story. Resurrection is. And so there are a number of places throughout the New Testament that speaks of this hope. A couple of places you can look up on your own. I don’t have time today to go into them, but. 1 Thessalonians 4, verses 13 and 14. 1 Corinthians 15, that whole chapter, this is the great chapter from the Apostle Paul on resurrection. But specifically 1 Corinthians 15, 50 through 55. There’s 2 Corinthians 5, verses 1 through 4. But I want to wrap up this episode today with one of my favorite passages of scripture, and it’s Revelation 21, verses 1 through 5. Because this is the end of our story. This is the second to last chapter in our Bible. And it speaks of where we find our true hope. So let’s start at the top. Revelation twenty one, verse one. Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God Himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death. Shall be no more. Neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, Behold, I am making all things new. Notice that this hope of God dwelling with us, of God wiping away our tears, of God eliminating pain and death and mourning and crying. Where does this take place? It doesn’t take place in heaven. It takes place on a newly created earth. God is going to make us new, both body and soul, we’ll get new bodies, and God is recreating the heavens and the earth. This is our hope that God will make all things new, the new heavens and the new earth. This is where God will dwell with us and where death will be no more. And to me, this is the ultimate source of our hope. That even when death comes tragically When we say the person that we love died and they were too young or this shouldn’t have happened When someone we know dies and it’s it’s a sense of injustice, we know that God is going to make everything right, and that God is going to make everything new. So where is my hope in the face of grief? My hope is in Jesus, who is the resurrection and the life My hope is in God who is currently making all things new. In 2 Corinthians, Paul says, Behold those who are in Christ. Have entered into new creation, behold, all things are made new. So God is now making us new. God is working through the church to make things new. And I have hope in that, but ultimately I have hope that at the end, God will renew and restore all things. And so while I will weep when those I love say goodbye through death, I know that death is not the end. But ultimately, Jesus, who is the resurrection and life, will make all things right, will make all things new, and will restore all things That’s where my hope lies. That’s what gives me strength in times of grief. Well, I know today’s episode Was a little bit heavier than other episodes, but I hope it is a bit of encouragement for you. Perhaps you’re in a process of grief right now. I hope these words, which are the words of the gospel, bring hope and comfort to you. And if you’re not in a process of grief, maybe these words will help prepare you. Because if we’re not currently processing grief, that simply means that grief is outside our doorstep and that day is coming.
Guest: So hope this was an encouragement to you. Thank you for listening today. Go in peace and be kind
This transcript was generated with AI and may contain errors.